Do you wish your child was more driven?
Do they seem to lack the energy? struggle to get out of bed, do school work or do anything productive?
Are you finding yourself having to yell ALL the time because your child seems to resist your instructions?
I have found that many parents take privileges away from their child, in order to get them to do what they need them to… however, this only works for a little while if not at all!
When children resist us, they are resisting our control over them.
Children have a POWER BUCKET that needs to be filled up to help them feel empowered and secure.
Unfortunately, when parents use manipulation (such as bribes, taking away privileges, and setting high expectations) this only removes more power from their power bucket causing them to be further dispirited and, at times, even insecure.
Here are some ‘EMPOWERED PARENTING’ tips on how you can begin to inspire and fire up your child into becoming motivated and responsible again.
1. Ditch the label
Negative labels placed upon kids, such as lazy, irresponsible, difficult, etc., disempower, discourage and demotivate.
Instead, replace these words with positive traits of your child you wish to amplify. For example, if your child is kind, or friendly, or generous, do not miss the opportunity to affirm them.
Watch your child become motivated as you use positive language towards them.
2. Your one and only role is to love them
When in the midst of frustration, it is so easy to forget that our only role is to love them. without conditions.
As we begin to parent from this starting point of unconditional love, we start to observe how our language, perspective, and energy we bring into otherwise challenging situations begin to shift. We also begin to see how these allow for a much deeper connection between our child and us.
3. Your area of control
Focus on the things where you have control over and don’t waste energy on the things where you don’t.
Pick the battles you can win!
Consider this, instead of wasting time and energy correcting and controlling your child’s behaviour, take time to identify their core need and understand on a deeper level what they are going through. As you do, respond to the need with love and compassion.
4. Support them in creating a vision for themselves
STOP creating the vision for your child!
Instead, help them identify their interests and dreams. Build a success road map with them. Work out with them the steps they need to take in order to reach those dreams.
This offers them motivation as they begin to visualise a future for themselves. At the same time, this practice provides them better appreciation of their actions in the present.
5. Each child is unique
One size does not fit all.
Consider how your children differ from one another and from others and allow them to be individuals. Each one of them comes with a dominant trait and a core need that you can lovingly respond to.
By allowing them to blossom into their own unique self without being compared to others, they are developing resilience, firm self-identity, and their own special strengths.
When you look at your child what do you see? Most mums see an incredible little person who has the potential to do amazing things in their lifetime. But have you ever wondered what your children think of themselves?
For your child to recognise their own potential and their own strengths is a massive leap in the direction of self-discovery. Simply sitting your child down and asking them is a great start. Having this knowledge allows your child to focus their energy on activities they can truly excel in and possibly even continue doing in the future.
Knowing that they have a special talent or a skill they do well can be a huge self-esteem boost for your child, this ensures they stay driven and focused as well as enjoy what they’re doing!
